![]() ![]() Everybody knew me and was afraid of me.Īnd then one day, my dad said, “Bobby, you’re 17. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard…and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. Dale, look, when I was a kid…when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. ![]() That’s not my life! I’m not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx! Leo’s taken everything, even my past!Ī monologue from the screenplay written by Will Ferrell and Adam Mckay “Alvin! Don’t forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin’ and the cows need a-milkin’! Alvin! Alvin! Al–” Wait a minute, my name’s not Alvin. I’m running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex - Rex, stop it! - I see my mother, standing in the back porch in a worn but clean gingham gown. I’m drowning! I’m drowning here! I’m going down for the last time! I…I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farm house. Hence … Like a Virgin.Ī monologue from the Broadway musical written by Mel Brooks You see, the pain is reminding a f*** machine what it was once like to be a virgin. It hurts just like it did the first time. ![]() You know, her pu**y should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat f***s her, it hurts. She’s getting this serious d*ck action and she’s feelin’ something she ain’t felt since forever. I mean, this cat is like Charles Bronson in “The Great Escape”. I’m talkin’ morning, day, night, afternoon, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck, d*ck… Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherf***er, and it’s like, whoa baby. It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular f***machine. Now, granted, no argument about that…Let me tell you what Like a Virgin’s about. Like a Virgin’s not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. The entire song, it’s a metaphor for big d*cks. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big d*ck. ![]() Let me tell you what “Like a Virgin’” is about. Right now!Ī monologue from the screenplay written by Quentin Tarantino I’m not even sure what that means exactly, but I think it has something to do with the rest of my life! And I think we should get married. You are everything I never knew I always wanted. But now I’m here and I see that that’s not true because. I was afraid that I had already met the woman of my dreams at the dry cleaner’s or something and I was just too busy to notice. But I don’t know, somewhere between the tuna melt and your aunt’s tamales… and they were really great. And now, I know exactly what I want, and my life doesn’t make any sense.Īnd I was doing fine this afternoon, I was doing great! That was me then. This afternoon, I couldn’t decide between a tamale and a tuna melt, but my life made sense. There really is nothing like a shorn scr*tum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.Ī monologue from the screenplay by Johnny Mercer At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my t*sticles. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really.Īt the age of 12 I received my first scribe. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. The details of my life are quite inconsequential. Austin Powers: International Man Of MysteryĪ monologue from the screenplay written by Mike Myers 142+ Funny Movie Quotes 20 Hilarious Monologues From Movies That Will Keep You Laughing 1. ![]()
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